Inspiration & Encouragement, Writing

Of Music and Men

I am a very independent person. Sometimes that’s fantastic, and other times it gets in my own way of truly letting people in, or receiving help with certain things. Whether or not it’s good or bad depends on the situation; however, one thing it definitely does is make me hyper-aware of how much time I am spending on someone else. I’ll elaborate…

I hate dating.

Okay, okay, I know that’s slightly dramatic, and I don’t hate all aspects of dating, of course. I do hate the confusion that often comes with the “what are we?” phase of a relationship or the heartbreak that comes with the endings. These are the times when my independence kicks in, and I start thinking about all the other ways that I could be investing my time, rather than attempting to figure out the male mind. I was recently lamenting all the time I felt I had wasted on this one person who didn’t turn out to be what I thought, when I was reminded (to my irritation at that moment I might add) that I shouldn’t look at it like that; rather, I should be thankful for the learning experience. After some consideration, I realized how true that statement really is. Relationships are not easy, in fact, sometimes they’re down right messy, but with each one, I have grown into more of the woman that I need to be, and that is a beautiful thing to discover.

With that being said, I need to take a second to point out the fact that I am currently typing this post to the smooth vocals of James Bay. Why is that relevant? Well, you see, I was introduced to this artist by the same guy who I just mentioned “wasted my time.” Let me tell you, friends, James Bay is not a waste of time. Neither are The Civil Wars, Elevation Worship, or Queen…all of which have some kind of connection for me to relationships in the past. I know I may be slightly more obsessed with music than some folks, but my point is that I ended up getting something really valuable out of the time that I spent. So, to all the guys that used to be in my life but aren’t anymore, thank you for sharing your music with me, and thank you for some of the most sincere memories that came while listening to that music…

Because of you, I am a more complete and well-rounded person.

Besides James Bay, it dawned on me, that during the time I spent with that last fellow (some positive and negative), I was extremely active in my writing. I have written more raw poetry in the last four months than I had in about two years. Yes, I am constantly writing, but with my poetry, it’s more of an “every now and then when the inspiration strikes” type of thing. He somehow helped me to take my writing to a whole new level of consistency. I can’t deny that as being something I’m truly thankful for spending my time on as well.

None of this strictly applies to just romantic relationships, but really any situation that has you starting to question if it was worth your time. Take it from me; it most likely was an extremely valuable use of your time. If nothing else, it taught you to ask questions about what you want to do differently the next time around. We have to learn as much as we can from every experience that comes our way and express it through our writing or other art, because that is what makes art so powerful. It’s that song that can still bring you to tears after all these years; it’s that movie that can put a smile on your face no matter how bad your day was… that’s connection, just people taking their learning experiences, their pain, their joy, and everything in between and passing it on to others. When we do that, we also find a sense of healing because we are helping each other grow.


Oh, and for those of you who still haven’t listened to James Bay, I’ll do you a favor and expose you to him without you having to get your heart broken this time around. This is one of my favorites from his album Chaos and The Calm:

If You Ever Want To Be In Love

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